Takoma Park, MD—First it was meat. Now, it's heat. It's true—the Takoma Park Farmer's Market has become one
of the area's leading suppliers of small arms. In a move that has barely caused a ripple in the liberal leaning community,
the Farmer's Market began selling handguns, AK-47s, and grenades alongside the organic meat, produce, and freshly baked goods.
Many people seem to have acquiesced to the weapons after the long drawn-out battle over the sale of meat at the market.
"It's weird how accepting the community has been of this," says Ollie (who requested only his first name be used), one of
the arms traders who supplies the market. "To me, it just shows how liberals are finally waking up and smelling the napalm.
I mean, you ain't gonna save the rainforest if some SOB kills you first because you're not armed."
Of course, the weapons sold at the Farmer's Market have to meet strict standards. "They're all certified organic, and they're
handmade by Amish farmers," explains Ollie. "We're
not unloading some cheap, crappy arms from Central America or anything," he laughs nervously. When pressed to explain how
the weapons could be organic, Ollie says he "can't recall."
The fact that the weapons are certified organic was definitely a selling point for Sally Froue, a long-time resident and
now a pistol-packing mother of three. "I was really hesitant to have a gun in my house," she explains. "But then I realized
that hey, these are ORGANIC weapons we're talking about. How bad could it be? And I tell you, we're all sleeping better at
night now that we know we can protect ourselves."
Even long-time activists in Takoma Park seem to have warmed to the idea of buying arms along with their arugula. "What
can I say? If you can't beat 'em, shoot 'em," says long-time peace- and civil-rights activist Moonbeam O'Leary. "Just kidding.
I mean, if they're going to sell meat at the market, they might as well sell weapons, too."