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Stealth Obstetrician Scandal Dilates
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Stealth Obstetrician Scandal Dilates

Fall 2005

Takoma Park, MD—Takoma Park parents were thrown off guard last week when they learned that a successful local midwifery practice was actually staffed by board-certified obstetricians concealing their training. The two obstetricians were exposed after a patient underwent complications requiring them to perform emergency surgery. Upon awakening and discovering the deception, the patient filed a class action suit for emotional distress, fraud, and breach of birth contract. To make the case more unusual, one of the two apparently female midwives was found to be a man.

“We had no practice in Takoma Park,” said Dr. Paul Johnson. “Every woman was going to a nurse-midwife, and I was going under financially. It felt so good to have a thriving practice, and I looked so shapely in my Wonder Bra.”

The scandal has reverberated outside of Takoma Park. Regional officials of the National Medical Cabal have pointed to the case as an example of the great lengths to which physicians must go in order to sustain a profitable practice. They have called for a drastic reduction in medical malpractice insurance premiums, a decrease in managed care patient quotas, and discounts at local golf courses.

On the other side of the controversy, the National Nurse-Midwives Coven expressed outrage. “How dare they trespass on our hallowed ground! Women come to nurse-midwives trusting that there won’t be any sneaky epidurals or Cesareans, and that their birth experiences will be blissful!”

Outside the office where the obstetricians held their midwifery practice for nearly ten years, a small group of women and babies held an angry vigil, chanting, “Get your O-B out of my B-O-D-Y!” In response to citizen complaints, the city council introduced a ballot initiative requiring physicians practicing in Takoma Park to prominently display their medical school diplomas and post their delivery practices and gender. The initiative will be considered by voters in November. Meanwhile, the controversy seems to be making some Takoma Park residents colicky. One local commented, “When will we be delivered from this mess?”

Dr-Paul-Johnson
Dr. Paul Johnson masqueraded as a nurse midwife for nearly a decade.

Doctors-operate.JPG
A full-term fetus is surgically removed from an anesthetized woman in a so-called birthing room.