Takoma Pork Spring 2006 Issue
Unsavory
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Takoma Park Learns to Swallow Local Sex Shop

Spring 2006

TAKOMA PARK, MD—Local residents initially campaigned heavily against the opening of “Unsavory,” a sex shop located in quiet downtown Takoma Park, but the new addition is slowly gaining acceptance.  Said Sally Acious, a council member, “Of course we didn't want anything sleazy in the new downtown area, but then we gave it more thought.  It’s not like it’s Wal-mart—it’s a Mom-and-Pop community store.  And it’s sex, not violence.”

The shop’s owners are a local elderly couple who indeed go by the monikers “Mom” and “Pop.”  Said Mom, “We couldn’t make ends meet after not being able to figure out the new Medicare laws.  And we thought this was an unmet need in Takoma Park.”

Unsavory has also won over its critics with products catering to the diverse Takoma Park population, with items ranging from books to paraphernalia.  For example, many in Takoma Park have gushed over their sex guide for new mothers, the “Mama Sutra.”  For those requiring prophylactics but allergic to mass-produced latex condoms, the store offers an old-style animal membrane product.  But for vegans opposed to the use of animal-based items, the shop sells a novel palm tree-based product dubbed “Frondoms.” Unsavory also markets a homeopathic herbal form of birth control, which when combined with traditional condoms or birth control pills is 97 to 99% effective. Patrons adhering to the old aphorism “you are what you eat” have been pleased by an organic version of the classic edible undergarments. There is even an energy-saving device labeled the “Hybrator,” a hybrid vibrator which uses car-derived technology.

Customers also cite the superb service at the store.  Mom and Pop offer confused customers demonstrations and even seminars in the back room of the store.  Said one participant in such a seminar, “I....um....well.”

 

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