Takoma Pork Winter 2006 Issue
Winter 2006 Issue
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100% Local, Organic, Free-Range Falsehoods

CIA Operates Secret Prison in Takoma Park

An unidentified prisoner has waited for a top off since June of 2004.

TAKOMA PARK, MD—The Takoma Pork has learned that one of the secret prisons created by the CIA to hold and torture suspected terrorists is in Takoma Park. The prison, located in the basement of a popular coffee house, has been operating outside of the Geneva Conventions—though near Geneva Avenue—for the past three years, according to a highly placed anonymous source... (read more)

Several corporate sponsors supported the sukkah drive.

SILVER SPRING, MD—For needy Jews, the High Holy Days that come every fall bring mixed feelings.  On one hand, the holiday of atonement, Yom Kippur, is a somber affair.  Yet poor Jews the world over rejoice at their food savings on the day of fasting.  And while the holiday of Sukkot typically brings family and friends together under the vine- and fruit-laden roof of a Sukkah, low-income Jews often celebrate alone under scavenged boxes or the shells of burned-out cars. 

That’s where Habitat for Jewmanity comes in....(read more) 

Clients of the former Reiki Center will have to travel farther for a laying off of hands.

TAKOMA PARK, MD—A raid by Takoma Park police and members of the FBI’s Vice Division brought to a close a two-year investigation into the services offered by the Takoma Park Center for Healing Through Reiki.  Reiki practitioners place their hands near the client’s body in a series of hand positions intended to transmit “life force energy” and improve physical, emotional, and spiritual health.  Unlike other healing methods, actual physical contact is unnecessary...(read more)


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