TAKOMA PARK, MD—Fanny Bowman, founding member of the
Takoma Horticulture Club and long-time virgin, died of a heart attack last fall after finding her entire secret garden deflowered. Friends of Sligo Creek claimed responsibility for stripping the garden of its antique
English roses, saying they were too close to Sligo Creek parkland and their sweet smell was attracting
deer to the area.
FOSC members defended
their actions. "Those non-native flowers have no place in Takoma Park," according
to FOSC member Ben Rules. Miss Bowman’s brother, Richard Crandall,
vowed to get revenge. He has been arrested several times for spreading his
non-native seeds and planting Japanese honeysuckle and Chinese wisteria around the yards of unsuspecting Takoma
Park homeowners. However, no residents have come forward to press charges. "Everyone is just too scared to act as a witness," commented Takoma Park Police Chief Cynthia
Creamer. "It's just heartbreaking to see how this community is being violated
by these plant terrorists."
The Maryland Native Plant
Society has filed suit against Crandall, charging that he is a public nuisance and is harboring dangerous plant species. Police
raided Crandall’s beauty salon on Carroll Avenue last week and found several exotic orchids, a counter display
of lucky bamboo, and a mango tree. The contraband plants have been confiscated and are being held pending litigation.
Anyone who knows of a neighbor with
a non-native plant variety in their yard or home is urged to contact the Takoma Park Police Department for prompt removal
and prosecution. The authorities have asked the town to be especially vigilant this time of year for poinsettias, Christmas
cactus, and non-native evergreens.