Takoma Pork Winter 2006 Issue
Venetian Engineer Responds to SOS
Winter 2006 Issue
Somewhere Else....
Extreme Porkover
Classifieds
Print Version Archives
Takoma Pork Main Page
Past Issues Home
Venetian Engineer Responds to SOS--
Suspicion of Sinkage

Winter 2006

TAKOMA PARK, MD—The Takoma Pork has confirmed the City has hired an engineer from Venice, Italy to investigate whether the new Community Center is sinking.

Suspicion of sinkage surfaced December 11 when participants leaving the Center’s Grand Opening told City Manager Barbara Matthews that the street level exit on Carroll Avenue seemed to be slightly lower than the street itself.  “The gap was not there when we entered the building,” one participant said.

The residents spoke on condition of anonymity.  “Investigators need to determine whether the Community Center is lower now than it was, or whether we were higher than we were when we entered the building. After all, we consumed a great quantity of fruit juice during opening ceremonies—all organic, of course.”

Matthews subsequently hired Giuseppe Michelangelo to examine the Community Center’s foundation. He advises the city of Venice on coping with structural problems caused by its gradual sinking.

Michelangelo is expected to arrive here the first week in February. He told the Pork he has completed a preliminary analysis based on computer simulations that indicate the Community Center might sink completely underground by 2021.

“We knew we were building on a flood plain,” said City Council member Marc Elrich,“ and we met county requirements for erections in such situations.”

 “Whenever you build without fully taking into account the environment, you engage in a necessarily losing battle with nature – in this case the water flowing underground to and from Sligo Creek,” said Dan Robinson of Sustainable Takoma.

Council member Bruce Williams, official liaison to the public on Community Center matters, speculated that the center’s lowering was caused by the weight of the crowd attending the Grand Opening. “Ordinarily, not that many people come to City Hall, so that I doubt there will be any further sinking. In fact, the building will probably just pop back up on its own,” said Williams.  “All the hot air in the council chambers might help keep it afloat.”

“So it’s probably a self-solving problem,” Elrich said. “With the community center underground, we can sell the surface land to developers. By that time, real estate in Takoma Park is sure to reach a million dollars a square inch. By selling the land to developers, we can get out of the hole we created by building the center.”

The Pork asked Elrich how the City will be able to afford the Venice engineer.

He replied, “We’ll float a bond.”

 

 

AddMe.com, Search Engine Submission and SEO