Takoma Pork Winter 2006 Issue
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The Takoma Prick has a Novak Moment

The Takoma Pork strives to be inclusive and welcomes views from all ends of the political spectrum, no matter how stupid.

Winter 2006

Takoma Prick

I have a friend in Europe, let’s call him Sven. He suffers from a severe medical condition (okay, it’s a little souvenir he picked up in Amsterdam). At any time, he could walk into a fine health care facility and get it treated. Yet he does not. I did not understand why until I had what I call my “Robert Novak” moment, when that paragon of truth suddenly made perfect sense to me. Of course! Bob and Rush and Bill O’Reilly are right. Health care reform would ruin our health.

How? Because when first-rate health care is available for free, people do not value it. It’s like people who live together without being married.  Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?  Only socialists think otherwise, and our victory in the Cold War showed them who’s who. No pain, no gain. Period. Sven would value a trip to the hospital if he had to sacrifice to make it. But no. In the land of socialized medicine where the government hands out medical marijuana as if it were Mentos mints, he only has to pick a doctor, get treatment, and get better. So he doesn’t do it: it is just too easy.

Thank God, in this country you still have to pay to receive any form of treatment.  That means you have to work for the chance to get cured. If you are too lazy to do that, then you have bigger problems than your health to worry about. If you are a hard-working American, you know that you have to sacrifice for what is truly valuable. Health care costs are an indisputable sacrifice, and so we all go get treated, whether we need it or not.

It is now clear why health care costs during the Bush administration have risen so dramatically. Liberals will tell you it is the greed of the health care industry itself. Rubbish! Health care costs are rising many times faster than the rate of inflation because this administration understands that the higher our health care costs, the healthier we will all be. We will take ourselves to the doctor more often the greater the financial sacrifice because we will value it more. George W. understands God’s plan for each of us. Those that get left behind, well, they are going to hell anyway so, does it really matter?

Others rail against the insurance companies, whining about rising costs, the rejection of claims, or the inordinate length of time one has to spend on hold while the insurance company representative goes on coffee break. But that is just more of the insidious liberal-humanist claptrap that has wormed its way into our culture. Of course insurance companies raise costs and reject our claims. It builds character. It gives us an abiding sense of purpose. And how many of us really have anything more worthwhile to do than listening to soothing music while we wait for someone to hang up on us?

The rising insurance rates are part of what makes America great: they keep us striving to keep up, to better our situation. We can never rest, never feel we have gotten enough, because the costs may suddenly take another jump. It is the driving force of our social improvement. Debating our claims over the phone helps keep us mentally alert and hones our intellectual prowess. None of these benefits can be found in socialized medicine.

To those who want to cap health care costs, I say, “Bring it on.” We will bury you.

 

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